Reality

OK, here goes.

Before I write about the stress of the past 5 days, I would like to make it very clear that we are still very excited about adopting and bringing Ana home. However, I think sometimes we all sugarcoat the details or just don't tell the bad parts. So, along with all the good that has and will yet come out of this journey we are taking - the adoption process causes a lot of stress: emotional, family and marital, financial.

We realized around Thursday last week that between Kyle's two surgeries and the expenses involved there(thank you PSU for changing our insurance this year!) plus other expenses (a laptop to stay connected to home since we both use ones from work, luggage that was easier to get around Ukraine than we what had, tickets that were more than we budgeted for (by over $1000)) we were about 7-8 thousand dollars short of our goal. This was an enormous concern and made for a very bad weekend in the Raabe house.

I think that for 4 days straight, Jim and I had more intense arguments than we have ever had. What do we do? What can we sell? Then of course the fights about what we would sell - the old suburban? Jim's tools?Add that to the fact that for quite a few years we have lived debt free - until we bought the suburban last year. We worked hard to get there and have enjoyed the less stressful life that brings. Every time we add on more debt, I think the stress level has been rising.

In the end, we added more debt, found more receipts for our flex benefits, had more money in an account than we realized and were handed a check today by Jim's coworker. We would still like to have a little more of a cushion than we have to go to a foreign country but in the end, I am happy to say that it looks like we will just make it. God is Good! Sometimes it is just hard to see it at the time.

Beyond the financial stress, there is the emotional and family stress. The process is time consuming, demanding and draining. There were times that I wondered how in the world we were supposed to have jobs and kids and be able to complete everything. Even through last week when I was spending hours looking for plane tickets or when Jim spent hours trying to convince CheapTickets that the mistakes on the tickets were made by them and they needed changed for free. I often felt stress about the time it was taking away from the kids and away from our jobs just being so consumed in getting to the end. Obviously, our kids have survived and so have our jobs but there were times when I just didn't think we would make it through.

It seems like I am the only one in the family experiencing "the being away, in another country for 3 weeks stress." And then coming home without Jim and dealing with the back to school/work, getting caught up, fall activities chaos for the weeks that he is still in Ukraine. The kids and I get back on a Sat. night. That Sunday, jet lag and all, we will have soccer, major grocery shopping, school preparing with back to the routine on Monday - should be interesting! I am stressed and feeling so much anxiety about every part of the trip (except for the excitement of finally seeing Ana!). And about every part of getting ready for the trip - school work, packing (can't even think of it right now!), cleaning the house for someone to stay and take care of the dogs, school shopping, the list goes on and on...

We also found out that Jim's mom's back surgery has finally been scheduled for August 30th. We will not be here for it or for most of her recovery.

Whew! There it is. I know that in a few months, once we are all home as a family, we will look back and not much of this will matter. But right now it is real and stressful and hard. But the end result will be worth all of it and more!

Please Pray!

We have a date!

My head has been spinning for the past 24 hours.  We found out late yesterday afternoon that our SDA appt is August 29th.  YAY!  We are so excited to finally be going.  It will be a year since we said goodbye to Ana.

So much to do.  The 29th is the first day of school.  So this means the kids will all be missing the first couple weeks of school and I have to write a book for a sub to start the school year off with 3 year olds.  It should be interesting to say the least.  Someone said to me today - "Well, at least you will miss all the crying in the first week!".  I hadn't thought of it that way - and there is always a lot of crying!  But those first weeks are so important in building our K3 classroom that I'm sad to miss it.  I just hope I can give the sub enough guidance and info to survive it - the first weeks are brutal!

But, we can't wait!  Trying to find tickets and feeling lucky that we have a month's notice.  Definitely less expensive that way.  Making arrangements for everything else that needs done before we go.  Lots to keep us busy over the next couple of weeks.

Please pray as we try to decide if Kyle will be able to make the trip with us.  His ACL surgery is August 1st and the dr said he will be ok to travel but we are starting to worry that it will still be hard for him to get around and Ukraine is not that best place for that!  But we need to decide before we actually know what he will be feeling like because we need to purchase tickets.

So happy to finally be able to share this news with all of you!

No Date but...

Still no date to report but we did spend over an hour skyping with our agency director today and feel good about it.  If we were to predict a date it would be around the week of August 21st.  But, we know how predictions go in this process.  The good news about this time frame is that Kyle will, most likely, still be able to go since his surgery is August 1st.  The down side is that the first couple weeks of school will be missed by 5 of us.  The first weeks are so important in understanding the teacher's expectations and  routines and I really don't want the kids to miss them.  Plus, I do not want a sub to start my school year.  So, even though it puts us even later, if I could pick an ideal date at this point it would be after we were in school for a week or two.  But, the perfect date would be tomorrow!

With no date it is hard to make any travel plans although, we do have some things we can work on while we wait - getting some clothes for Ana, figuring out how to pack 6 of us to fly 1/2 way around the world, trying to get the house more organized in order to survive with 5 kids.  We also have some important decisions to make regarding Ana's birth certificate, school, who is staying behind if the process takes longer than expected.

Sometimes it is the little things that make such a difference about how you are feeling.  We have been pretty down about how long this process has been taking us but last week I received an email from  a friend who also teaches the middle school Sunday school class at our church.  He has been researching a Bible that Ana can use during Sunday School time.  I don't think he realizes how much it means to us that others are trying to prepare for her to be here too. 

Just knowing that there is an entire community wanted her home as much as we do is such a blessing to us.  Thank you!

Still waiting ...

Sorry - no good news to report.  We are still waiting.  Our dossier did not get submitted on July 11th because Ukraine is not accepting any further adoption petitions.  We have been told that the Ukrainian President is currently forming a decree for adoptions to begin again and it should be done within the week.  So we wait some more.  I can't even tell you how we are feeling about this because I am not sure.  Jim is upset and angry and feeling like this will never happen.  I think I am just numb to it right now.  I'm not sure I can even but forth enough emotional energy to be mad or sad or anything.  I'm just here and still waiting. 

Today when I took the kids to Arts Fest I kept thinking - I was sure Ana would be a part of this tradition for us this summer.  The same thing I think when we go to DelGrosso's, the pool, 4th of July fireworks, pretty mush everything we have done this summer.

Please pray for Ana - it has been  a long wait and in our last conversation with her we talked that we thought we would be there in a few weeks :(

Frustration

Just when we thought everything was going the way it should be - we get another jolt back to the reality that this is not our plan!

The SDA has closed down for 2 weeks.  They are scheduled to reopen on July 8 and our dossier is now to be submitted on July 11.  Of course, that has been the rumored date of the official shut down of the SDA to transfer the authority to another agency.  We were told today that this is still just a rumored date and our facilitator was assured that the office would be open on the 11th for him to submit for us.

However, we are still very unsure of a travel date since the transfer of offices has to occur at some point and could very well happen before we are invited to travel.  The frustration of all of this news came together today.  We are sad that our thoughts of being reunited with Ana soon seem to be so far out of reach again.  We are angry at a system that makes no sense to us and seems to run by the seat of its pants.  We are frustrated that OUR PLAN of bringing Ana home during the summer when at least I am off and she can have some time to adjust to family life, learn more English and just enjoy each other, rather than in the midst of a crazy, school is starting again, activities are in full swing Raabe house seems to not be HIS PLAN.

Please pray that we can feel some peace in this process.  I have decided this afternoon that I need to use the time that has been given to me to do more to prepare for Ana.  We have not done much with the room or other items that need to be taken care of when she becomes part of our family.  It, also, wouldn't hurt any of us to have more time to learn some Russian phrases that would be helpful in country and at home with Ana.  I have used this day to feel sorry for us and even cry with heartbreak at the amount of time we still have to wait but, as I have learned, through this process since last September, no matter how much I think I have figured out how this is supposed to happen, there is only one plan that matters.  I just have trouble realizing it sometimes!

On Its Way!

The past three days have been somewhat of a whirlwind.  Our "Golden Ticket"  came in the mail on Wednesday.  Jim spent Thursday preparing the rest of the paperwork and MB, her friend, Gina and I went to Harrisburg yesterday.  It took an hour and a half to have it all apostiled but it felt so good to have all that paperwork in my hands with those shiny gold seals!

Jim is at the post office right now putting it all in the mail to Fla.  Our agency director is leaving for Ukraine this week and will be hand delivering our dossier.  We are hoping to hear about a date the week of the 20th.  There a couple of ways this could happen.

The best possible: because we sent in those initial papers in April asking to adopt Ana and a waiver of the submission date, Ukraine could approve us the same day and say we could come whenever we want.  She said she has seen this happen in similar situations. Especially with kids Ana's age.

 The most probable way it will happen is that we will wait to get a date from SDA which will, most likely, be in July. 

The event we don't want:  There are many rumors about the SDA closing to reorganize.  However, there has been no official announcement of this yet.  This is why we wanted to be in by mid June - that was the rumored closing time.  We are hoping that we are ahead of the date (whatever it is!)

Some more good news - a phone call to Ukraine!  We did not get to talk to Ana because the camp they were supposed to leave for on Friday started early.  All the kids in the orphanage go to this 3 week camp in June.  We did get to talk to the director and she was very excited that we were coming.  She said , through our friend Liliya, that Ana (Nastia as they call her there) talks about us often and is waiting impatiently for us to get there.  She also assured us that she would get word to Ana that her family called.  This was a huge relief for us.  With the issues we have been having we were afraid of outside interference but it seems like everything is good with the director and she is happy for Ana.

As stressful as the past couple months have been, I am starting to think that the just waiting might be the hardest part!

Better Week

So, this week seems like it will be better than the way the past couple of weeks have gone.  Our "Golden Ticket"  is in the mail!  I was hoping to see it when I got home today but maybe tomorrow.  The paperwork fiasco seems to be winding down and we can see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel again.   Thank goodness.  We were starting to feel extremely discouraged that we could not get the forms done as fast as we would have liked.

Also, I heard from a friend today that the mid June deadline, before Ukraine switches the agency it uses for adoption,  will be pushed back.  This is wonderful news for us since it gives us a little more time to get everything there before they close to reorganize.  With our INS form on the way, we should be in good shape!  Of course, we now need to get everything to Dept of State in Harrisburg before it is sent to Ukraine.  However, most of our docs have already been sent to our facilitator who is translating them as he gets them.  This way, when the official paperwork gets there, it is ready to be submitted!

Also, on the Kyle front - he went to school today!  It has been a fine line on how much we push him to get back into the swing of things - as much as  he can get back with the thoughts of  another surgery looming after this recovery. But, going back to school was the best thing for him.  He was in a much better mood the rest of the day, although exhausted from  using the crutches all day.  Much better than sitting on the couch!

We met with the ESL teacher that will work with Ana.  I feel better about what Ana will be doing in school after talking with her.  She gave us lots of stuff to work on over the summer  and they seem to be well prepared for ESL for next year.  I think Ana will really like her.  Plus, we made sure that she would be able to get chorus in her schedule since she loves to sing.  It will be good for her to have something that she feels confident about during the day when everything else, I am sure, will seem so overwhelming.  Ana will have ESL for 3 periods of her day and attend a regular Science and Math class.  We are excited for her to start on this new venture and can't wait to find out what kinds of subjects and activities she will be most interested in.